Before I ever even found out I was pregnant I was sure of one thing, I wanted to breastfeed! Once I found out I was pregnant I researched it even more and was totally confident that was the way I wanted to go! I didn't know how long I wanted to do it, but I knew I wanted to. When I had Deacon and we began our 'nursing relationship' I have to admit that it was very hard and there were times that I wanted to give up...(oohh the pain). The pain went away and when it was gone I had the joy of knowing that every bit of nourishment my child was receiving was coming straight from me, his mommy. How amazing is that? How awesome that God designed us to be able to provide nourishment for our babies! I love nursing, I love the bond it has created with Deacon and I. I love that nobody in the world will ever have that with him. Its a special time for us to relax and enjoy each other. My world can be totally chaotic, and sometimes all I need to do is take a breather and sit down and nurse my baby. Now I am feeling that it all has to end and I am so full of emotion I feel like I can't breathe.
I have loved the convenience of nursing. If Deacon was hungry I could offer him something to fill him up. Now that he is older and is eating big boy food, he doesn't just rely on me anymore and it's nice sometimes, but still hard. Every day I have to figure out what I am going to feed my baby and how much, and is this healthy, etc. I am really going to miss the days of just sitting down and knowing that everything my baby needed he was getting from me.
A few weeks ago I started to give Deacon some whole milk. He had a tough time figuring out the sippy cups, but I finally found a cup he is able to drink from. Once he really got the chance to taste cows milk he seemed to like it. I was happy and sad at the same time. I don't want to be replaced...sniff sniff.
Weaning... wow I never thought this time would come so fast, and I have no idea how I am going to stop. I have read through my nursing books and when I read them I just shake and am so full of emotion that I can't even cry. I don't know what my problem is besides that I am just scared to stop. Then I think, why do I have to? Who is telling me that I have to? Nobody really, I guess I had decided myself that I would stop nursing when Deacon was a year old. I just never knew how hard it would be.
When I took him to his 1 year well baby check I asked the Dr. about stopping and he told me to just stop one feeding every three days and within a week I should be able to completely stop, ha - yeah right, easy for him to say. I have done this every single day since Deacon was born. This is what we know. How do you just stop? I sit and nurse my baby and I can look down at his sweet face looking up at me and I know I am the only one that can provide him with this satisfaction, how do you stop something so special?
Nursing my baby has been one of the greatest things I have ever done, and with every day that passes I am one day closer to stopping :( I am so thankful to God that I have been able to to do this, and for so long, but when it comes to stopping...I need help, I don't know if I can do it. I kind of wish that it would be his choice and not mine. I read about babies just losing interest in nursing. Although that would probably make me sad, I think it would be easier. The pain of stopping scares me too.
Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
